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Ron Cameron

Discussion pertaining to Detroit, Ann Arbor, Port Huron, and SW Ontario
Momo
Posts: 10923
Joined: Thu Apr 04, 2019 11:16 am

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Momo » Mon Dec 06, 2021 9:48 am

So good, Bobbert. Does Ron "know it's Christmas"(time)?! Hmm, I feel a song comin' on.



Momo
Posts: 10923
Joined: Thu Apr 04, 2019 11:16 am

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Momo » Mon Dec 06, 2021 10:02 am

Before Ron moves to the Waldorf on Friday, any takers to serenade him with Christmas carols at the Allen Park Motor Lodge?!



Bobbert
Posts: 3936
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 11:13 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Bobbert » Mon Dec 06, 2021 12:18 pm

Momo wrote:
Mon Dec 06, 2021 10:02 am
Before Ron moves to the Waldorf on Friday, any takers to serenade him with Christmas carols at the Allen Park Motor Lodge?!
We could help him look under the furniture for all of the phone numbers that "the maid threw out."



Kidcat
Posts: 491
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 2:38 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Kidcat » Mon Dec 06, 2021 2:44 pm

Bobbert wrote:
Mon Dec 06, 2021 9:24 am
A Christmas Sing Along with Ron

(White Christmas)

I'm dreaming of a real program,
Just like the ones at 'XYZ,
Where the ads are pre-taped,
And guests are not late,
And calls come in all the time.

I'm dreaming of a real program,
With a producer who shows up,
May my current sponsors all last,
And may this evening's program go fast.

(Let It Snow)

Well the calls are getting fewer,
And the show's gone down the sewer,
When there's nothing else left to do,
Read an ad!
Read an ad!
Read an ad!

When I finally got a call,
It was Kurt talking only baseball,
On a very cold winter's day,
He yaks and he won't go away.

Well the lines are ripe for talking,
But if not, I'll soon be hawking,
Some things for you all to buy,
Read an ad!
Read an ad!
Read an ad!
This is fantastic.Great work Bobbert.



Bobbert
Posts: 3936
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 11:13 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Bobbert » Tue Dec 07, 2021 10:22 am

Thanks Momo and Kidcat. When it comes to parody material, Ron is the gift that keeps on giving.



Majik
Posts: 723
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 3:38 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Majik » Tue Dec 07, 2021 11:30 am

Bobbert wrote:
Tue Dec 07, 2021 10:22 am
Thanks Momo and Kidcat. When it comes to parody material, Ron is the gift that keeps on giving.
He is an inspiration to all of us.



Bobbert
Posts: 3936
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 11:13 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Bobbert » Thu Dec 09, 2021 3:40 pm

A Cameron Christmas Carol

In which Our Hero discovers that It's an R Sizzle Life

It was Christmas Eve and Ron Cameron was depressed. He had just blown his last dime on preparations for a new restaurant, and then everything fell through. The city health inspector had found several more violations, and the former owner had snuck in the previous night and taken some equipment that was supposed to come with the restaurant.

It was the latest setback in a string of bad luck that included several long-time radio sponsors cancelling their contracts, and an increase in the air-time fee at his latest radio station.

He drove back to his room at the Motel 6. He tried cheering himself up with a marathon of Match Game Christmas episodes. Even the bizarre sight of Charles Nelson Reilly in an ill-fitting elf costume couldn't put a smile on his face.

Soon Ron was drifting off into a restless sleep, then was awakened by a loud knock on the door. Ron opened the door and in stumbled his old television partner Bob Page.

Page looked terrible. It looked like he hadn't shaved or bathed for several days, and his clothes were rumpled and smelly. The odors of different alcoholic beverages filled the air around him.

"Sorry for dropping in on you like this," said Bob. "Remember in the 80s when you said I was drinking like a fish at Michigan State while you were out busting your tail? Well, things haven't changed."

"What's wrong, Bob?" asked Ron, thankful for this break from his own troubles.

"Everybody hates me," replied Bob. "Nobody wants to work with me, even old has-beens like Denny McLain and Eli Zaret."

"Well..." started Ron, on the verge of his well-known bluntness. But in the spirit of the season, he bit his tongue.

"Yeah, everybody's got rough times," said Ron. "Did you want anything special from me?"

"Nothing really," said Bob. "After Christmas, I'm going into rehab and try to straighten things out.

"I hope you never get as low as I've fallen, Ron. Whatever happens, no matter how bad, it's your job to save yourself."

Before Ron could reply, Bob rose from his chair and stumbled back into the cold, snowy night from which he had so mysteriously appeared.

Ron sat for awhile, thinking about Bob's visit. Soon he felt tired, and crawled into bed. He fell into a light sleep, where his dream world came vividly alive with three visitors.

Ghost of Christmas Past

Ron heard a familiar chuckle and suddenly saw W.C. Fields.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past," said Fields. "I departed this mortal coil on December 25, 1946. That was your second Christmas, Ronald, and you really felt the magic of the holiday."

Soon appeared an image of an excited toddler surrounded by toys in front of a Christmas tree.

"There you are, in your humble abode, enjoying your Christmas gifts, including a Charlie Gehringer baseball mitt that you loved so much that you often used it as a pillow.

"As you know, I was never much of a fan of children, but even I am touched by the poignancy of this sickeningly sweet scene."

Fields then disappeared as quickly as he had arrived, just as Ron was about to do a bad imitation of the phrase "My Little Chickadee."

But it left Ron alone with warm memories of the Christmases of his youth.

Ghost of Christmas Present

Another apparition soon came into view. It was swinging its arms like it was fighting something. It was the old Detroit Tigers player and manager Billy Martin!

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Present," said Billy. "On December 25, 1989, I celebrated Christmas so much that I got drunk and got myself killed in a car accident."

Billy talked about how he had first come into Ron's life in 1958, when Billy played one year for the Detroit Tigers. Ron had turned 13 that year and his interest in sports was starting to grow. Ron remembered that team, with players like Al Kaline and Frank Lary who would later play on Ron's all-time favorite Tiger team in 1961.

Later, Billy and Ron flew over downtown Detroit, where Billy discovered that the sites of of his greatest Motor City accomplishments no longer existed.

Tiger Stadium, where Billy had led the Tigers to the 1972 AL East title, was gone. The Lindell AC, where Billy had punched out Minnesota Twins pitcher Dave Boswell in 1969, was now a bus station. Also gone were the two bars owned by his old drinking buddy (and final driving companion) Bill Reedy—the Hummer Bar and Reedy's Saloon.

"Ron, these places are all gone, but their memories still live," said Billy. "On your program, you help keep the past alive with your interviews with old players like Jake Wood, Charlie Maxwell, and Boots Day. So what if it's not as profitable as talking about your favorite episode of The Walking Dead, like they do on 97.1. Like me, you've always done it your way, no matter the cost!"

Then Billy started to fade from Ron's view.

"Gotta go now," said Billy. "Steinbrenner just fired me from this dream!"

Ghost of Christmas To Come

Soon appeared another apparition, more ghostly and indistinct than Ron's first two visitors.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas to Come," said the faceless spirit, with a reverberating chill in its voice.

It sounded like Ken from Livonia, whose sardonic tone and biting questions always added an edge of realism to Ron's radio shows.

"Ron, real quick, I got something to tell you," said Ken. "You know I always got to the point of things and always saw things as they are.

"I know you've hit a rough patch and you're feeling pretty down.

"But you've still got some things to live for. I know that people criticize you, laugh at you, make fun of you, pick at you, point out your mistakes, talk about what a blowhard you are, ridicule your restaurant pipe dreams..."

"OK, OK, I get your point," said Ron, feeling the same impatience that he felt when his producer didn't produce a full list of scores in two seconds.

"Even your most critical listeners know that you fill a certain place in their life," said Ken. "If you weren't there for people like Kurt from Fraser or Cowboy from Windsor, they would be muttering their compulsive verbiage to their bedroom walls or, even scarier, random strangers on the street.

"If you let all your bad luck get to you, and go off the air completely, this might happen..."

An image then appeared of a young man with a Detroit Tigers cap sprawled on his bed, listening attentively to a radio.

Soon the voice of the radio host became apparent. To Ron's absolute horror, it was Frank Beckmann, who had come out of retirement to resurrect his old SportsWrap show in Ron's Sunday night time slot!

"It's almost like you weren't born," said Ken. "You weren't there to host that radio show, and Frank Beckmann was there instead.

"You just can't let that happen.

"So I'm telling you, Ron, just keep the faith, and things will turn out better."

Ken then made a "real quick" exit from Ron's dream.

Ron slowly recovered from the shock of hearing Frank Beckmann's voice on his show.

He then reflected some more on the words of his dream time companions, and then finally fell into a deep sleep.

Christmas Morning

Ron woke up with a feeling of rejuvenation that he hadn't felt in years. He felt an intense urge to retrace the footsteps of his past and found himself on Grand River near Outer Drive, at the site of a bar that he had owned in the mid-1980s.

It now looked like an abandoned building, but when Ron forced open the front door, he was met by a roomful of people who greeted him with a hearty "Merry Christmas!"

A man stepped towards Ron and said, in a very familiar voice, "R Sizzle, we heard about your financial problems, so we all gathered together to wish you a Merry Christmas with some gifts that will help you get back on your feet."

Of course, it was Mr. Positive, who knew that a fundraising party for Ron would also be Mr. Positive's perfect chance to "get his wings" and elevate to recognition as one of the 21st Century's great positive thinkers. He would follow in the illustrious footsteps of people like Norman Vincent Peale, Robert Schuller, and Richard Simmons.

Mr. Positive led Ron to a side of the barroom, where a table with a big basket on it had been set up beside a Christmas tree. Some guy with a thin mustache and a half-smoked cigar named Louie was sitting at the end of the table in front of an adding machine.

A parade of well-wishers soon made their way to the table, dropping various amounts of money into the basket. There were athletes, media personalities, listeners, and—in a true Christmas Miracle—a few former co-workers.

An older women with a fountain of black hair, heavy eye shadow, and a cantilevered figure dropped a $20 bill on the table. It was Midnight Mary from Ron's Fort Shelby Hotel days! "I'm eternally grateful for all of the business that you sent my way from the night clerk counter," she said.

A young man with a manic smile on his face dropped a big pile of quarters on the table. Ron quickly recognized Martin from WPON. "I broke open the jukebox that we use at WPON to play music," he exclaimed.

Someone in a long black coat, dark glasses, and a fake-looking mustache dropped a few pennies on the table, then quickly rushed out the front door. This person also left a card, which read, "Best regards from the Michigan Radio & TV Buzzboard. Your incredibly unique career has helped sustain the most active thread in Buzzboard history."

"Hi Ron," said a voice that could belong only to Kurt from Fraser. "I sold my mint condition 1973 Topps baseball card of Tom Timmermann to help you out." Kurt then started talking about the Tigers of the early 70s but was pushed away by the crowd of people who continued towards Ron's donation table. But that didn't stop Kurt's extended monologue, and his voice finally faded away after he was swept across the room by the crowd of people.

In an act of Christmas generosity, two of Ron's remaining radio sponsors stopped by to pay their advertising bills in full and on time—something they rarely did because of the way Ron always mangled the ad copy that they gave him.

Ron suddenly remembered an old stash of Thunderbird wine that he used to keep in a back room before re-labeling it as something more expensive. He found it was still there, aged to perfection.

"How 'bout some wine!" Ron shouted as he, his old producer Alex, and Mr. Positive hauled the boxes of vino to the bar.

Then came another big Christmas surprise. The front door opened, and various workers started rolling in what looked like equipment for a remote radio broadcast.

Mr. Positive again stepped forward. "Ron, we've arranged for a special Christmas morning broadcast of your sports talk show," he said. "We even paid for the air time!"

The technicians set everything up, including a set of jingle bells that would chime for every incoming call.

Alex nudged Ron in the side and said, with a seasonal spirit of goodwill:

"Producer says, every time a phone rings, a listener wants to talk."



65memories
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 2:11 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by 65memories » Thu Dec 09, 2021 5:11 pm

Bobbert...great satire...needs to be copyrighted. Thoroughly enjoyed!



Momo
Posts: 10923
Joined: Thu Apr 04, 2019 11:16 am

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Momo » Thu Dec 09, 2021 5:23 pm

Your magnum opus here, Bobbert!!! Now if only Ron devoted a fraction of your energy to his own show … Now that may be the biggest fantasy of all.



Bobbert
Posts: 3936
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 11:13 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Bobbert » Thu Dec 09, 2021 6:16 pm

Thanks, 65memories and Momo. I thought about having Ron go through a Scrooge-like reformation, but that seemed too far-fetched. :)



ShempLives
Posts: 223
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:08 am

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by ShempLives » Fri Dec 10, 2021 1:03 am

A fine job Bobbert!



Kidcat
Posts: 491
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 2:38 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Kidcat » Fri Dec 10, 2021 10:14 am

I hope someone calls in and reads Bobbert's A Ron Cameron Christmas Carol.to Ron.It would be interesting to hear Ron's reaction.



radiofan1974
Posts: 5809
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 1:47 pm

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by radiofan1974 » Fri Dec 10, 2021 10:45 am

Kidcat wrote:
Fri Dec 10, 2021 10:14 am
I hope someone calls in and reads Bobbert's A Ron Cameron Christmas Carol.to Ron.It would be interesting to hear Ron's reaction.
That would be fun, though whenever someone brings up buzzboard, Ron quickly dismisses to change subject

If he only knew how popular he was on this board



Mr.Transistor
Posts: 1460
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 10:43 am

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Mr.Transistor » Fri Dec 10, 2021 11:23 am

Momo wrote:
Thu Dec 09, 2021 5:23 pm
Your magnum opus here, Bobbert!!! Now if only Ron devoted a fraction of your energy to his own show … Now that may be the biggest fantasy of all.
Bobbert, this is a Christmas Classic! I would recommend Mr. Positive as the narrator of this story. As Momo has stated, the amount of effort you have put into this should be commended. Much more effort than Ron's show prep where he just shows up with the Sunday sports page in hand.



Trophyhead
Posts: 392
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2004 6:36 am

Re: Ron Cameron

Post by Trophyhead » Fri Dec 10, 2021 11:40 am

As someone who lives out his Ron Cameron experience through this page, and the rarest of online streaming searches, I am still compelled to ask, was there no place for Cory Lidle in "A Cameron Christmas Carol?"

A satisfying treatment, nonetheless.



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